He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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