Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Randomize
