can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
