Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize