no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
