And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize