Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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