I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
