So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
