wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
