we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
