fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
