if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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