Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
