Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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