mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
