4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
