Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
