If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
