Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
