Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
