Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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