So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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