You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
