Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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