I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
