a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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