If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
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