he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
