I CAN MOONWALK!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
