I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
