so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
