my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
