apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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