I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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