theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
