Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
