He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
