he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
