you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
