Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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