Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
