had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
