So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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