Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
