I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
