Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
