What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
