Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
