there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
