Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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