Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize