i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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