also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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