She told me I should be a condom model.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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