There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
