I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize