apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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