Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize