Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
