Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
