Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
